Death, dying, living, learning, and growing

A year ago today a very dear friend of mine committed suicide. It is hard to even say, write, or think those words. I think the hardest thing I have ever done is attend her funeral. She was an amazing person. She had a beautiful testimony of how God taught her about Grace. She had a neat ministry sharing her comedic talent. She also quietly touched the lives of several people who knew her story and would reach out to her because they had walked a similar path of pain. She was a friend like no other. You know one of those 'girlfriends' you talk about all your secrets/questions/fears with (even the ones you wouldn't admit to another soul), laugh about nothing, and feel comforted just by each others presence. She was many things over the years: my friend, vacation pal, confidant, neighbor, roommate, teacher, painter, decorator, comedic relief, shopping pal, and make over magician. She experienced some difficult life circumstances with which she struggled. In the end she could not get beyond the pain. On this anniversary of her death I want to acknowledge the beauty of her life and the joy she brought to the lives of everyone around her.

I also want to address misconceptions of suicide. One thing I hear often is 'suicide is an act of selfishness'. Let us all be very clear. Suicide is an act of desperation from a person who has struggled with depression and no longer feels capable of continuing the struggle in that moment. Offering them a guilt trip is not the solution. Second 'if you commit suicide you will go to hell'. The God I know is a God of grace, mercy, and love. I believe he looks down on those who suffer with depression with compassion and desires to offer comfort and love. I know He brought people into my friends life to show her about grace. The struggle is often within us to offer ourselves as much grace, love, and mercy as God desires to shower on us. We struggle to accept what He has freely given.

Her death was the beginning of a year of struggle for me. That same month I lost 3 other friends due to heart attack, accident, and cancer. Later last year I also lost my grandmother. It was a tough year. I don't really understand a lot of things that happened this past year or why. There are some things I know:

1. There is a God.
2. He knows me by name.
3. He knew me before I was born (Jer 1:5) and created me for a plan and a purpose (Eph 2:10).
4. He has promised me there is a future and a hope (Jer 29:11).
5. He has promised that He will work all things for good in my life if I give them to him (Rom 8:28).

I may not understand the whys but I understand the who and I will trust in his promises. Life gets really hard sometimes but if we can keep on keeping on, there is a future sometimes beyond pain, sometimes living with it, and sometimes there is joy, comfort, and strength in the midst of it. I am so thankful for friends who have loved me, supported me, and believed in me this past year. Most of all I am thankful there is a God and I can trust in Him to work all things together for my good and for His glory, honor, and purpose in my life.

A Daddy's love

       As I reflect on this past year and the anniversary of a great loss, I am reminded of a couple I met a few years ago. I got a call late one night about a couple traveling through Alabama. They lived in Florida but had traveled to another state to pick up a family member and take them for treatment at a hospital up north. They had loved and supported this family member for 3 weeks then dropped them back home and were headed home themselves. When they reached Alabama, the husband began to feel sick and died suddenly. The wife was here miles away from family and church, alone in a small country hospital. I went to meet with her to be with her during this time of shock and grief. We talked about her relationship with her husband, arrangements that needed to be made, and her fears. She was in shock. In the midst of it all there was one thing she knew, one thing she could hold on to. Her daddy was coming. She knew when he got there he would take care of things. 'He will make decisions'. 'He is good at that'. She told me. What faith. What a foundation of a love relationship to stand on that her 'daddy' had given her.

       What a beautiful lesson for us on dealing with life. We have a daddy who loves us and He wants us to lean on Him to comfort us, give us wisdom, and guide us in life. Some of my favorite scriptures below show the heart of the Father. He delights and rejoices over us, calls us into relationship with Him, and longs to be gracious to us. Today I am reminded to trust in, rest in, and get in tune with the heart of our Father and to be still, expect, look and long for Him so He can poor out His presence on us.

Isaiah 30:18

¹⁸ And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]!

Zephaniah 3:17
He will take great delight in you;
but will rejoice over you with singing.”

1 Cor 1:9 God calls us into fellowship.

My prayer for you is that today you may see the heart of the Father, understand His great love for you, and how much He longs for fellowship with each of us.

 

 

 

Shall we stone them?

 

 

Sticks and stones are hard on bones

but words will never hurt you.

 

 



        Most of us have heard that little saying growing up. When we are older hopefully we begin to realize the power words have on our lives. However, what about the power our words have on the lives of those around us. Words are POWER. I regularly teach on thoughts and self talk. Often people's self talk is a repetition of a pivotal moment in their lives when someone spoke words that were powerful to them. Sometimes those words were encouraging or motivational. Often those words were critical or condemning. I have sat with people who had negative words spoken over them and those words motivated them to prove that person wrong. More often I sit with people who have fought to overcome/survive the words that have been spoken over them. Every mistake or failure in life brings those words to echo a refrain throughout their hearts. Our words have the power of LIFE and DEATH and each time we speak them we are speaking life or death.

 

Hold on! Did you get that?

 EVERY TIME we speak we are speaking LIFE or DEATH.

 

What would you choose? Hopefully, we all want to speak life but how often are we speaking death? Have you ever met one of those hypercritical people? Many of us know at least one of those people in our lives, whether it be a parent, spouse, boss, sibling, co worker. One day recently I was struggling with setting boundaries with this person in my life and the words they speak. I know that they care but their words are death to all those around them and yet they cannot see the destruction. As I was pondering this situation and how it feels to be on the receiving end of these words, I got a picture in my mind of their words. Each time these words are spoken they are indeed like stones of death being thrown one stone at a time. It reminded me of the stonings in Biblical times. Hurling words of death one stone at a time. This leads to shame or a feeling that I am bad, worthless, never enough, _________. You fill in the blank. I have yet to meet someone who can't. The words are painfully powerful that have been spoken to them, over them and then repeated by them over themselves. I challenge myself as well as you to think before we speak. I am going to keep that picture in my head of a stoning. Would we willingly choose to participate in a stoning? NO WAY! But how often do we choose words of death for ourselves or those whose lives we touch whether we know them or are just meeting them in passing. We have the power to CHANGE lives one word at a time.

 

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul healing to the bones.

Proverbs 16:24

 

 

My prayer for you today is that the power of every negative word that has ever been spoken over you, to you, or by you over yourself be broken in the name of Jesus. They are null and void and EVERY fruit they have created in your life is destroyed. May He heal every broken and wounded place within you. And I speak a blessing of the opposite of those words over you - hope, love, grace, belonging, health, wholeness. May your heart be open to the love and grace of God our Father to do a work within you greater than any you can hope, think, or imagine. May He give you words of grace and love for yourself and others.

In Jesus name, Amen 

REST? What is that?

     REST as defined by Merriam Webster is freedom from activity or labor, motionlessness, peace of mind, rhythmic silence, a pause, and/or freedom from anxieties. Why do I need a definition of rest? Most of you know I have taken a sabbatical or time of rest. My goals were to take a step back from life, pause, and re-evaluate where/ what God wants from me in this next season of life. I have been surprised at the amount of peace I have felt about this time away as well as the amount of anticipation and excitement towards what is next. However, I have also wondered why this isn't something I have done sooner. It seems such an  important step to in life to pause, examine goals and vision, and CHOOSE what I want my life to represent. As I enter the 3rd week of my time off I have found 3 obstacles that are deterrents to rest.  
     The first obstacle is BUSYNESS. I don't know about you but I find even when I lay down 10 things another 10 pop up I could be doing. My first week off I went to the beach which made it easier to rest as I was away in a new place but even there entertainment can often replace true rest. Being at home there are lots of things that can be done around the yard, around the house, errands, catching up with friends, etc. Busyness seems to be an expectation in our culture. Even when we rest we are busy-watching tv, movies, sports, exercise, extreme exercise, volunteering, looking for the next adrenaline rush, or what about playing on smartphones and tablets? I am blessed to live in a city and attend a church where there are wonderful miraculous things going on. It is a blessing to be a part of and witness God moving but I had to ask myself this week- Is this where God wants me or do I just want to be a part of this? Serving is not bad but when blessed with lots of opportunities to serve it can become busyness. Merriam Webster defines busyness as in use, engaged, full of activity, full of distracting detail, and foolishly or intrusively active. Wow! Those last 2 are powerful definitions- distracting and foolishly active. Our minds, bodies, and spirits need rest. 
     The next obstacle I've found is INDEPENDANCE. We live in a world where getting it done is an art form, an ad slogan, an expectation. Matthew 7:11 talks about if a parent desires to give good things to their child then how much more does the heavenly Father desire to give good things to us.  God longs to to love on us, to give to us, and to reveal to us who He is. One of the main barriers to this is our independence. We rush in to take care of things when sometimes His desire is for us to step back, pray, ask, and give Him room to move. Lord show me how to let go, give my heart pause, and force me to step back when you desire to move. Please don't let me get in your way because I want all that you have for me.
     The third thing God has been speaking to me about is tied in to the first two INSTANT GRATIFICATION. We live in a society of getting what we want when and how we want it.  The microwave dinner I eat most takes 45 seconds to cook. Even when going to a sit down restaurant they often have you out in 30 minutes. Cell phones have been replaced with smart phones and it is expected that emails, texts, calls, etc. are returned within a 'timely' manner often meaning within an hour. Giving God room to move requires prayer and again stepping back to give Him room to move  in His timing not ours. Funny that His timing can sometimes only be an hour or a week but seems so hard to wait for. God began telling me He was ready to make some changes in my life last October 2012 and I really expected to see what it was by January 2013 but here I am in July waiting. The journey has been important. I didn't have an 'all in' moment until June when I was ready to walk away from the security of a job and paycheck to search for all that God has for me. That 'all in' moment expands the boundaries of what I am willing to do, where I am willing to go, and how much I am willing to trust God for.
     What does it all mean? For me, I think God wants to take some time in my life to wash away these thinking habits/expectations- busyness, independence, and instant gratification. He wants me to learn to Be still (Psalm 46:10) in a way I haven't before. Resting has taken effort on my part. Society and I have expectations of what and how I need to be 'doing'. True rest allows for inner peace which changes our perspective allowing us to see things clearer and do things better.  God gave us a Sabbath day to rest. Farmers know to allow fields to lie fallow in order to produce a greater crop after the rest. How does it look? I see porch swings, hammocks, watching the stars or clouds, long talks about nothing, screen porches, naps. It creates the ability to focus on one thing instead of the list of 'to do's' in our heads. Joyce Meyer once made a statement that Jesus greatest miracles were interruptions on His way to do something else. I think there has to be some inner peace and rest in order to recognize when these interruptions are opportunities for holy moments. Opportunities to pray for, listen to, write a note to, buy a book for, encourage, call, be there for someone when God desires to use us.

     I am so thankful for the people who have invested in me/my life each step of the way to bring me to the place I am today where I have the faith to step out, explore, dream, and believe God for the greater things (John 14:12) in life.

Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Psalm 37:7-9

    

Lessons and Leaps of Faith

 I see my life in separate seasons. The first was moving around every few years and learning so much about different regions of the south as well as growing up with my friends from Georgia. I have great memories of Young Life, fun on the lake, learning to serve and notice the needs of people around me through GAP, and just amazing friendships that stand through the ages. I am so thankful to the people who invested in my life to create in me the person I am today. I am also blessed and inspired by the amazing people my friends have grown up to be.

                The second season of my life has been serving others. I would not have chosen the path I have taken. I did not know anything like this even existed. I have spent the last 20 years in a neighborhood that has made it to the FBI’s most dangerous places for all of those years. It is a place where people are broken, hurting, at times dangerous, but most of all real. Life takes on new meaning when you get down to the basics of survival. I have been beaten, had a weapon pulled on me, worked in jails and prisons, worked with murderers, rapist, a serial killer, a school shooting and so much more. I have seen abuse towards children as young as 3 days old, parents who sold their children from 3 years old on to buy money for drugs, rape, torture, and so much more that defies any idea I ever had of the evil that exists in this world. I’ve learned more about prostitution, types of abuse, and murder than I ever want to know. There have been many times when I felt like I stood alone in dealing with situations. I say these things not to say anything about myself but to say that through in it all I saw the grace of God. In every situation He has taught me something:

1.    No matter how great the evil in front of me the end has already been written, God has won the victory and No One is beyond redemption. God is the Healer,

2.    When I come to the end of all that I am that gives Him the opportunity to step in and

           show me who He is (I have learned to hand stuff over sooner rather than trying to fix  
          it myself),

3.     Nothing is ever as it seems. Prostitutes/ strippers/ porn stars are not there because they like sex. They have a history of hurt and abuse. Society re-victimizes them when they engage in these activities.

4.     HURT PEOPLE HURT OTHERS. Is that not one of the most important ones for all of us to learn? It is not all about us and when people are ugly, rude, hateful, it is a reflection of what is in their heart (Matt 12:24, Prov 4:23) Understanding this can take the sting out their words and present an opportunity to extend grace which can bring healing, restoration, and freedom.

5.    Every person is a creation of God and therefore has value and worth. But for the grace of God I am the person I am and not walking in the homeless, prostitutes, etc, shoes.

6.    God uses people that are available. Most of the characters in the bible have great faults- Jonah ran in fear, David committed adultery and murdered, Moses murdered. God desires a humble and willing heart not a perfect one.

7.    We live with the effects of our sins and often the consequences of other's sins. That doesn't mean God doesn't care. We all have a free will. He is with us always and desires to heal the broken places within us.

8.    God often turns the things we think of as our greatest weaknesses into our greatest strengths if we will surrender them to him.

I can talk for days of the miracles God has allowed me to bear witness to. I am honored and humble to have been a part. I am sure I will share more over the coming weeks of the things God has shown me in this season of my life.

      The next season is upon me. I am not sure what is next for me in life. One thing I learned in the second season of my life was how to listen when God speaks, at times my life depended on it. God has been stirring my heart for several months that it is time for something different, a new season. This past week I felt Him clearly release me, tell me to take a leap of faith. I resigned from my job Friday. This is very out of character for me as those of you who know me know how reserved and budget conscious I am. I have a peace I cannot describe that God has a plan for the next season of my life and I am to get prepared. I am taking a season to rest, seek Him, and prepare for whatever is next. I look forward to seeing what He has in store. I have learned that if we are not believing God for things of biblical proportions then we are underestimating God. I am not putting any limits on what the next step is, I am going to pray and give Him room to move. God says that as a parent longs to give good things to their children He desires to give even greater things to us. So often we are used to being independent and taking care of things ourselves when what He truly desires is for us to step back and give Him room to show us who He is.

I love you all and thank you for the seeds you have sown in my life. I would love your prayers as I seek what the next season in my life will be and I thank you all for the love and support I have received in taking this leap of faith.

Tonya

 Whatever you want to do Lord, do it in me.

What is this freedom?

I will walk about in freedom because I have sought out your precepts. Psalm 119:45

 I can, you can have freedom in life from worry, confusion, guilt, etc if we will seek out and live by God’s word. There is so much wisdom in scripture on how to live, communicate, and care for ourselves and others. Scripture is our guide to freedom. If we seek God and live by His word we can experience the abundant life of hope He promises. Matt 12:34 tells us that out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. We can only speak what we have put in our hearts and minds. What are we putting in our hearts and minds? We are inundated with messages about instant gratification, casual sex, overindulgence, keeping up with the newest gadgets, busyness, focus on outward appearances. God says Be still and Know that I am God (Psalm 46:10). It is usually in this stillness that He speaks and reveals Himself to us. He asks us to meditate on His word (Joshua 1:8) so we can understand it, so He can reveal Himself to us through His word, and so we know how to act wisely in making choices in life. If we stay in busyness then we stay distracted and tend to make poorer choices focused on wordly values which lead to guilt and condemnation. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free (Gal. 5:1). We all long for and desire that freedom that can only come from a right relationship with God. I hear people, myself included at times, talk about wanting something more from this life but not really knowing what more is or seeking to accomplish this more. The more is a dissatisfaction stemming from not having a right relationship with Christ. God says seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you (Matt. 6:33). Getting in right relationship with God leads to peace, satisfaction, and freedom because He then takes care of getting all things in order for us, His order. God’s order brings freedom (freedom from guilt and condemnation), peace of mind, and joy. This is the abundant life. God say He wants to give us more than we can hope, think, or imagine (Eph. 3:20). What is the best you can imagine for yourself? Now think about God wanting to do for you higher than the heavens are from the earth higher than your thoughts/hopes for yourself. We limit Him by our lack of faith. We limit what He can do first by our limited faith in His ability to forgive us and accepting His total grace for us. Grace is a finished work of the cross. He has forgiven us, we need to forgive ourselves and each other, to accept the gift that is already been given. Second we limit God by our lack of faith and lack of vision for what He can accomplish through us if we surrender to Him. He wants to do more that we can hope, think, or imagine so dream big and then ask for more. If we are not praying prayers and expecting results of biblical proportions than we are limiting God.

What is this freedom? Freedom is accepting GRACE, understanding the depth of God’s grace for us, receiving it and giving it to others. Freedom is planting God’s word in our hearts and keeping our hearts pure and focused on His precepts. Freedom is recognizing how great is the Father’s love for us, surrendering our lives to Him, and believing He can accomplish great things through us.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free (Gal 5:1).